The Blame Game
by Izzi Creo
Summary: Angst Oneshot: How did STUART feel after Sam threw him out, after all, it was his baby too after all?
1. His View

_**ANGST WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!**_

_**How did STUART feel after Sam threw him out, after all, it was his baby too after all?**_

**The Blame Game**

I sit in my car, staring out at the Thames. It's so calm and undisturbed. Like my relationship with Sam Nixon was before the baby. Actually no, I can't blame the unborn child for this. I can blame another person, a very much alive and kicking person. Phil Hunter. Ever since him and Sam put aside the arguments they'd been having, ever since they'd become the best of friends all over again it had been different, she'd been distant. With me, with our relationship. She was distant since he used his 'special charm' on her.

I knew she was slipping away from me, like sand falls from your fingers when you try to hold on to it. She was falling away from me, and straight towards Hunter. He knows everything about her, it's like he stalks her. He knows her favourite food, her favourite film, life story, what makes her tick, everything. And it's probably easy for him seeing as she confides everything in him. Him. Not me but him. I'm her boyfriend, was her boyfriend.  
_  
"I … err … I want you to go. _Please_."_

She'd practically begged me to leave, I didn't want to stay when I wasn't wanted. Leaving was easier, it would be walking away from an argument. But then it was also walking away from her.

It isn't like I have a commitment problem, well I guess I do, but it's only because of my past. I was engaged to who I thought was the love of my life only to find her in bed with her best friend. And although her best friend was a woman to get into a relationship with Sam only to have her best friend start interfering, who conveniently was male, started to worry me.

I can't deny to women he is pretty irresistible. Although he's cocky and arrogant to everyone he comes across something about him makes me know that he treats her differently, with respect. They have no masks and no secrets when it come to each other. I mean from what I gather he easily enough burdened her with his child problems and then she easily told him that she thought she was pregnant when she could tell me because it was too hard. As soon as she told me, I knew Phil knew. It was obvious, all his hints, all his snipes. He knew and he'd been mocking me, rubbing it in my face. It had reminded me of my ex's secret girlfriend. The way she'd acted all innocent and joked about lesbians. All the comments about my girlfriend being practically one with all her lesbian friends. When I finally realised that she'd been rubbing my face in it then it hurt. And it had started hurting all over again. I kept worrying whether any day Sam would run off with Phil and announce me single.

I'm worrying now too. What if she's rung Phil?

What if he's comforting her instead of me? What if he's trying to replace me? What if he's saying all sorts of stuff about me to her and making her hate me? What if he's being a true friend? What if he's being the perfect gent and Sam's realising that she loved him all along? What if they've already jumped into bed with each other, into the bed that a couple of weeks ago Sam and I were happily sharing? What if he's listening to the way I treated her and in his head vowing that he'll make me pay.

All the what if's are making me dizzy. And yet more are coming along.

What if Sam had kept the baby? What if I could be tied down to her and we could have been the perfect family? What if the baby had made Sam forget all about Phil? What if I walked in one day to find the baby crying while Sam and Phil romped? What if I looked into the cot to see a mini Phil staring back at me? What if I'd stayed and comforted her? What if I didn't put my heart into comforting her? What if I sat their rigid while she sobbed in my arms?

I didn't think this would of happened but my chest's starting to ache. Heartache. Deep down I wish Sam, I and the baby had all been together still. I wish I could go back and change things, make it right. Kick myself up the backside, make myself look after Sam the way I should. Made sure she didn't get so upset or stressed. If I'd just accepted the baby was going to be a part of our life and committed the way she wanted me too maybe we wouldn't be like this now. Maybe her getting stressed and upset so much killed the baby. Maybe not. We would either be looking forward to our first child or mourning the death of our unborn baby, but either way we'd be together. That was all that would have mattered.

She was a great woman when we first started out; funny, smart, pretty.

She was up for a laugh, and a drink which helps, yet she still had brains. She was extremely brainy, even better than me and I've always been pretty good.

I sigh, it had been fun to begin with but as soon as the serious part started we'd both panicked and worried. I'd wanted to get out of it, quickly, I was determined not to tie myself whilst she turned to the only person who's ever always there. Hunter.

I look out at the Thames again, once again wondering if they're in bed together, once again blaming _him. _


	2. Healing

Well this is as awkward as it can get. Me and DI Nixon stuck in a car together. I realise though, a couple of weeks ago we may have been sniping each other by now but not now. Not anymore. Since Phil left she's been quiet. I'm probably the only one that really knows what happened apart from the two of them. He was just walking into CID when he saw them talking, as he got closer he could hear him telling her that he was leaving and this was goodbye. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, well I did, I was just curious about how she'd take it. It was pretty common knowledge that they weren't exactly the best of friends any more. From what I heard she was saying sorry and then thanking him for everything he'd done. I lunged a little to see round her door and by this time they were kissing passionately. I thought maybe this would tempt him to stay, but was surprised when all he did was say his farewells and then leave. Of course by that time I'd scarpered.

Since then though she'd kind of buried herself in paperwork and hardly gone out on the proper cases that she'd usually love to get her teeth in to. She somewhat reluctantly accompanied me on the OBBO. She wouldn't have come if it weren't for DCI Meadows pushing her into it. I was probably the only one who could tell that all she wanted to do was hide in her office as usual.

"I'm sorry." She suddenly says quietly. This takes be back, what the hell was she sorry for?

"Pardon?" I ask.

"I said I'm sorry." She sighs.

"For what?"

"For the baby last year, it may seem random to you but I've been doing a lot of thinking recently and I'm sorry." She replies.

"You don't need to be sorry Sam. I left you after all right?" I say, not wanting her to keep killing herself over that.

She shakes her head. "To be honest I hurt you. I hurt you the day I chose to tell Phil over you. I hurt you when I expected you to settle down and drop everything else. I hurt you the day I told Phil I was miscarrying rather than going straight to you."

"No, I … I understand why. You went to Phil because he was so close to you and you thought trusting him was the right thing to do, it just felt bad because it was obvious he wanted to poach you from me. I should have been more understanding back then, I mean if it was Jo or a woman you had told then I would have been fine but there's been this ongoing battle between Phil and I … it was like we were both fighting for you and he was winning. I know I hurt you when I didn't comfort you over the baby but I was annoyed because of Phil. I was upset afterwards. I went to the Thames and I just couldn't get you out of my head. If we could do it over then I wish I had been man enough to be there for you and comforted you. I know you needed me too and I didn't. I was wrong. I'm sorry."

I sigh, everything that I've felt about the baby has suddenly spilled out for the first time in over a year and I can't believe how much better I feel now. It's like a weight truly has been lifted and I think maybe I should have done this before. Or maybe now, with Phil not around anymore, was the best way to go after all. But now I've started apologising and letting it all out it's like I can't stop.

"I know when I started going out with you that you were hoping I'd help you get over Phil and get over the relationship you never had with him. I know it made you feel guilty when you used to think about him while you were with me. And I believe I failed you." I admit.

She looks across at me frowning. "How did you know all that?"

I shrug, glad she hasn't attempted to deny it all. "I just knew I guess."

"You once said that we had fun. Well we did didn't we?" She asks. "Have fun I mean."

"Of course we did." I smile. "We had a lot of fun times. There was just always this black cloud over us in the form of Phil Hunter."

She chuckles a little although it's slightly forced.

"I hate the way he hurt you. In the past even before I arrived and then when he slept with Monica. I hate the way he kissed you and gave you false hope before leaving. I hate the way he tried to ruin our relationship only for him to mess up his own with you. I hate the way he's still ruining your life." I tell her. "You see him as someone who's never been given a break so you forgive him time after time, I see him as a sex addict who hurts you time after time."

I look over to see her chocking back sobs. I lean over and pull her into my arms. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry."

"No I'm crying because you're probably right. It's just I loved him so much but didn't have the courage to ever tell him." She sobs.

I can't believe he's still hurting her despite him not being around. She needs to heal. She needs help to heal though. And I realise that her crying has seriously made my heart go out to her the way it _should _have done when she miscarried. I hold her close and kiss her on the top of her head before saying the last thing that I need to get off my chest. "I love you."

She sniffs a bit before pulling back and looking into my eyes with her own wet ones. "You what?"

"I love you, you see before I don't think I could because I was afraid of you going to Phil but now he's gone I'm not afraid of saying it. I really do care about you." I admit.

She chews her fingernails nervously. "But work relationships they just … they don't work. And I mean it'll probably take a while for me to get Phil properly out of my head. D'you honestly think you could cope knowing I'd be thinking about him? Worrying about him?"

"I know it'll take a while, I'm not expecting you to forget straight away. But give me another chance." I beg. "Please."

She smiles a little. "Alright, one more chance."

I smile too. "You won't regret this I promise. Now I just hope while we've been talking our suspect hasn't left his house."

She laughs a proper laugh, the first proper laugh I've heard her do for a while and I smile happily to myself. She's already healing.


End file.
